


skin and bones

by EnterLameUsernameHere



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Anorexia, Depression, Larry Stylinson Is Real
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-06
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-05 06:49:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5365418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnterLameUsernameHere/pseuds/EnterLameUsernameHere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has slowly stopped eating. Louis didn't notice at first, in fact, no one did. It seemed so sudden, but really it was a battle Harry had been fighting for years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is shit, I know. I apologize in advance. Also, this is actually a lot shorter than I intended it to be originally.

It had started when he was a little boy, of course he hadn't even known what anorexia _was_ at that point, but thinking back now he knew this had been something he'd struggled with for many years. He remembered being six and wanting to cry when he saw the other kids playing at recess, running and jumping so freely, when he did that he felt like he jiggled, like he was going to somehow break the earth beneath his feet. He remembered feeling guilty when he took the last cupcake or an extra piece of pizza at birthday parties.

 

Standing in front of the full length mirror, Harry cringed at the disgusting figure before him. He'd gained weight over the holiday season, he could tell. It wasn't that Harry necessarily thought of himself as _fat_ it was more just the fact that he knew he could be skinnier. When he'd first discovered the term anorexia, he didn't think that could possibly be him, every place he looked said that anorexics thought they were fat, and sure he used to be very fat, but he didn't really consider himself fat anymore, just not skinny enough...10 more pounds and he'd be okay with his weight, 10 more pounds and he'd stop starving himself.

 

The week before he auditioned for xfactor was when the problem really started. He'd wanted to look thin at his audition, surely the judges wouldn't even consider saying yes if he looked at all overweight, _who would want a fat singer on their show?_ Harry only ate four full meals that week. By the time he got up on the stage he was dizzy and felt like he might pass out, but obviously he was right about losing weight, because the judges said yes, and everything went downhill from there. When he was put into the band, he compared his weight to the other boys immediately, he needed to lose more weight so no one would see him as the fat one. After a while he realized if he could survive on four meals a week, maybe three would do, and then two, and finally he was only eating a few bites every couple days, sometimes going without anything.

 

He'd reached his goal to lose 10 pounds months ago, but 10 pounds wasn't enough once he'd gotten there. By the time any of the boys noticed anything was wrong, he was already too far gone.

 

"Harry, can we talk..like alone?" He'd never seen Louis so serious.

 

"Uh, I guess.." Harry followed the older boy down the hall and into a closet. "..and we're in a closet why?"

 

"Because its the first door I saw and I didn't know where it led until now, anyway thats not important." Louis looked down at his shoes, as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. "Are you- are you like, okay?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Harry, you know what I mean."

 

"I do not." The younger boy protested.

 

"You're not eating..and before you start, don't pull that 'not hungry' shit on me, I'm with you every day and you never eat."

 

"Thats not true! I just had a salad yesterday, you saw me."

 

"Yeah okay, one thing for the past like month that I've seen you eat and it wasn't even anything good it was a fucking _salad_."

 

"I- shut up, the salad was good. But, whatever! Why do you even care, its none of your business what I eat."

 

"I care because you're basically just skin and bones!" The older boy picked up the younger ones arm, holding it between both of their faces. "Look at your wrist, its tiny! You need to eat Harry."

 

Harry ripped his arm from the other boy's grip. "I'm not hungry, Louis. You're not my fucking mum."

 

"No, but I care about you, and I don't want you to be hospitalized or die or something because you're too blind to see how beautiful you are, and how much you're hurting your body."

 

"I'm not hurting my body at all, I'm just trying to lose a few extra pounds!"

 

Both boys had been yelling, but Louis quieted this time when he spoke, his voice just above a whisper. "Love, you don't have a few extra pounds, you are so skinny that I'm worried about your health, we all are. Please, you need to see that, you need to believe me." Harry finally broke, tears streaming down his face. He didn't even know that he'd needed to cry but it felt like he'd been holding it in for so long. Louis pulled the curly haired boy closer to him, careful to not squeeze too hard because it felt like he could literally shader the younger boy to pieces he was so fragile. 

 

"I- I just-" Harry was completely sobbing at this point and he couldn't even form a coherent sentence.

 

"Shh love, its okay." Harry wasn't completely convinced that it _was_ okay, but with Louis holding him he felt safe.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to continue this story but someone requested it, so I guess I will. This is the first time I've made a story with multiple chapters on AO3 so let me know what you think..
> 
> Also, yes Zayn is in this because this is right after xfactor.

Louis continued to make sure Harry was eating over the next few weeks, and when he saw that Harry was making progress and grabbing snacks to take to his room and stuff, he thought he was better, and stopped watching his eating habits so closely. Harry still wasn't eating in front of the other boys but Louis figured it was okay because of the food he ate in his room. What the older boy didn't know was that Harry _wasn't_ getting better at all. The food he took into his room, he didn't eat. He'd hide it somewhere or flush it down the toilet if he could. Harrys weight continued to drop, but no one really noticed because he was always in large sweaters that would be big on him even if he was a healthy weight.

 

Harry and Louis grew closer in the few months since they'd been off xfactor, yet somehow Louis still didn't notice.

 

"Harry?......Harry I swear to god I'm going to sit on you if you don't answer me."

 

"What?" the boy had been too lost in his thoughts to even realize Louis had been trying to get his attention.

 

"I _said_ , how could you possibly be wearing a sweater when its this hot."

 

"Oh..I dunno, m'just cold." It was so strange, Harry had never seen anyone's mood change as fast as Louis' in that second. He went from teasing the younger boy to having an extremely concerned expression on his face.

 

"Harry.."

 

"Louis.."

 

The older boy looked around to make sure no one else was close enough to hear him, not wanting Harry to feel embarrassed or anything, then he whispered "Are you eating properly?"

 

"What are you talking about? Of course I am, you see me eat every day."

 

"But I don't. I mean, I see you take food to your room but I don't actually see you eat it."

 

Harry got up, not wanting to continue this conversation any further, and started to walk down the hall to his room.

 

"What are you doing? Harry," Louis got up and followed the other boy. "we need to talk about this."

 

"Why should we? You obviously don't believe me that I'm eating. Plus, I don't need to prove myself to you, I can not eat, or eat whenever I feel like it. It's none of your business." With that, the younger boy closed his door in Louis' face.

 

\----

 

Later that night, Louis decided to talk to the other boys about it. He knew Harry wouldn't want him to, but he couldn't stand the thought of losing him. "Guys, we need to talk."

 

"Want me to go get Harry?" Liam asked, already getting up.

 

"No, no sit. Its actually kind of about Harry."

 

"Oooh, do you like him?" Niall teased.

 

"Shut up, thats not what this is about." Louis chucked a pillow at the blonde haired boy.

 

"Then what is it about?" Zayn questioned.

 

"Well uh..you know how a few weeks ago we were all talking about how Harry seemed really thin, and I said I'd talk to him?"

 

"Yeah?" Niall and Zayn spoke simultaneously.

 

"I thought..I thought he was getting better, but now I think he might be getting worse."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Well today he was wearing a sweater and-"

 

"It was so hot today though? I'm still sweating." Niall interrupted.

 

"I know, anyway when I asked him why he was wearing a sweater he got all defensive and left."

 

"Hang on," Zayn started "what does him wearing a sweater have to do with him being skinny?"

 

Liam answered before Louis got the chance. "Well when someone's anorexic, if they lose a lot of weight their body temperature drops and they're pretty much always cold."

 

"Wait a second, _anorexic?_ How do we know he wasn't just actually cold or something? Anorexic sounds so..serious."

 

"It _is_ serious Niall. You said it yourself, it was super hot today. Anyway, I think we should see about getting him some kind of help."

 

"You mean like, therapy?"

 

"Yeah I guess..I don't know, I'm just so scared he's going to seriously hurt himself or something."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to do most of this chapter kind of from Louis' perspective more..obviously I'm going to end up doing at least one more chapter because it can't just end like this, but I'm not sure when I'm going to write the next one.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis knew that it was going to be a challenge getting Harry to agree to therapy, but he didn't expect Harry to completely stop talking to him after he brought it up. It had been two days since Louis had mentioned it and the taller boy still hadn't spoken to him. So, Louis thought, it was time for plan b. He told everyone to play along as if they had an interview scheduled, so all five boys piled into the car on their way to this _interview_ which really was an appointment at Northern Park Counseling. When they pulled up outside the small building, Harry's face showed how confused he was, eyes darting around the building. He knew this couldn't possibly be where the interview was, it was too small. Then he saw it, the blue rectangular sign sat in front of the building, immediately fear and betrayal flashed in his eyes, how could Louis do this to him? Especially here, in front of everyone.

 

"No." Was all he said, shaking his head a bit and crossing his arms.

 

"Harry please, we just want to help y-"

 

"Help me? Theres nothing wrong with me!"

 

"If there nothing wrong, you won't have a problem going in and talking with someone for a while, right?"

 

He hesitated, knowing that there really wasn't much of a choice. "Fine." He got out of the car without another word, walking through the door of the building without waiting to see if anyone else was coming with him. This was embarrassing, he couldn't believe Louis would do something like this to him. Harry signed himself in and waited for someone to call his name, someone had already filled out all the paper work, _probably Louis._ By the time he went to sit down, Louis, Liam, Niall, and Zayn were sitting in the waiting area. "You guys don't have to sit here, you're _not_ going in with me." He told them.

 

"No, but we want to be here for you when you come back." Harry wasn't sure if Liam was going to continue with what he was saying or not, but a short brunette women had called his name, so he got up without waiting to see.

 

The lady who had called his name introduced herself as Tracy, and smiled a little _too_ much. To Harry she seemed like one of those people who is always nice to your face but then a bitch behind your back, he hated those people. Tracy led him through a door, and down a long winding corridor, until finally stopping at a door on the right. Her office was small, with two chairs on one wall, three on another, and then a desk on the wall opposite the door. She sat at the desk and told him to take any seat he'd like, he chose the one furthest away from her.

 

"Now Harry, this says you haven't been eating?" She asked, looking at the paper in front of her. Harry wasn't entirely sure what to say, he never really liked telling people things, and yes she was obligated to not tell anyone anything they talked about in here unless he was a danger to himself or someone else, but would this count as enough of a danger to himself for her to tell someone? He didn't know whether he trusted her enough to tell her his secrets yet..or _ever_. 

 

"I, um.." He sighed. "Not regularly..I guess."

 

She looked really focused, like she was trying to read his mind or something. "Uh huh, okay so how often do you eat?" Her tone wasn't _judgey_ at all, but he still felt like he was being judged for some reason.

 

"I don't uh, I don't know." It was true, he didn't know. He didn't ever have a set time he would eat, he would just eat when he couldn't take the hunger anymore.

 

"Okay," She wrote something down. "when was the last time you ate?"

 

He thought for a minute, not entirely sure whether he should tell her it had been three days since he even touched food, or if he should lie. 

 

"Harry?" He looked up at her. "Its okay if you don't know the exact day, but do you have an estimate?"

 

"Couple days ago.."

 

The rest of the session carried on like that, her asking him a question, and every once in a while she would write something down. Right when he decided it wasn't too bad, came the worst part.

 

"I would like to maybe get your parents in here for a family session within the next month if thats okay."

 

He'd always had a problem saying no to adults, and even now that he was nearly an adult, he found himself nodding, smiling, and mumbling a quiet "Sure."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of really don't like the name Northern Park Counseling but I couldn't think of anything better last chapter so now I guess thats what its called..
> 
> Also, yes I skipped nearly a whole week in the middle of the chapter just so I could get to the part with Harry's parents quicker.

Harry's parents didn't even know about his issues with food, so him calling them to see if they would come to a therapy session about it was going to be very strange. He knew though, that if he didn't do it Louis would. When he's gotten back in the car that day he had mentioned how she wanted to talk to his parents, and right as the words escaped his mouth he regretted speaking them. He could've just avoided the whole situation by not telling Louis, and then saying that they wouldn't come, but no he had to open his mouth.

 

The next week continued on as usual, only now Harry wasn't even bothering to take food into his room to make it look like he was eating, the other boys knew he wasn't anyway so what was the point? The boys would give him worried glances whenever they ate, and offer him some. Harry knew they were just trying to be nice, but it got kind of annoying, they knew he wasn't going to eat. That Friday he had another appointment at Northern Park Counseling.

 

This time he had gone in alone, Louis waiting for him in the car. The other boys had decided to not go this time, which Harry was grateful for, he didn't want them to have to sit out in the car bored for an hour. He even told Louis he didn't have to come but the older boy insisted. He called his parents three days ago and they said they couldn't make it this week but they'd be here next Friday. He dreaded the thought of having his parents in the room when he had to talking about eating, or, _not_ eating to be more specific. He sat in the stiff blue waiting area chairs, and waited for Tracy to call his name again. This time the walk to her office didn't seem as long since he had been there before. He sat in the same chair he had last time, and she asked him questions again. At the end of this week's session she told him he was very quiet, adding in "Usually I don't do this much talking when someone is in here." He absolutely _hated_ people telling him he was quiet. He knew he didn't talk much, but it was just because he didn't have anything important to say, all his life people had told him he was too quiet. He also knew she wasn't trying to be rude but thats how it felt. It was probably true that he didn't talk as much as most people who came in here, but the fact that he was usually quiet combined with him not wanting to be here in the first place were the reasons why he was so quiet.

 

 

\---

 

 

His mom and step-dad, Robin, got there two days before the actual appointment, and he wished they hadn't. They were staying in a hotel because there wasn't enough room for them in the small flat Harry and Louis shared, especially when the other three boys practically lived there too, but they were there almost all day on both of the two days, which meant they were there at times most people would be eating. When he lived at home Harry wasn't as bad as he is now, he still hated eating and he ate as little as possible, but now he hardly ate anything at all, which his parents weren't used to seeing. The concerned look Anne gave him when he didn't eat breakfast or lunch the first day made him want to crawl into a hole and never come out. The second day Harry didn't wake up until 10:30 and when he walked out to the kitchen to grab some water, she was already there making breakfast, he guessed Louis had let them in. He just smiled at her and walked back into the living room, sitting down between Louis and Niall. The other boys weren't there yet, usually they all came at the same time so he figured Niall must've slept there last night, as he did quite often. A few minutes later Anne came out and told them breakfast was ready, Niall jumped up immediately, mumbling something about how he was starving. Louis stood up and glanced back at Harry to see if the younger boy was coming or not, he already knew the answer but he hoped it would be different today.

 

"Harry honey, you want some?" Anne asked from the kitchen, peaking her head around the doorway to look into the living room. He shook his head, not breaking eye contact with the TV. "You sure? Its your favorite, chocolate chip pancakes." He sighed, knowing that his mom was worried but wishing she would just leave him alone. He got up, walked to the kitchen, grabbed a plate and fork, the smallest pancake, and then walked back to his room. Everyones eyes were on him as he left the kitchen, Anne and Robin proud that maybe he was getting better, because they didn't know how bad it really was. Niall a bit confused, and Louis worried. Louis was the only one who knew Harry wouldn't be eating it, or at least not all of it. A few weeks ago after he'd realized Harry wasn't getting any better he had snuck into Harrys room one time when he was out. He looked around, not finding much until finally opening the drawer at the bottom of his dresser, there were packets of crisps, crackers, and other things Harry had been taking to his room to _'eat'_ all piled in the drawer.

 

Louis was right, because when the curly haired boy got to his room, he sat on his bed staring at the pancake. He wanted to eat it, he really did. The smell of it covering his entire room, making his stomach rumble. But all he could think about was the amount of calories it must have, especially with all those chocolate chips. He took a small bite, it tasted so good, the warm chocolate on his tongue, he hadn't had chocolate in months. As he reached for the fork to take another bite, he saw his wrist out of the corner of his eye, he could see the bone poking out a bit, it looked so nice. He knew if he continued to eat it would be covered up again. He pushed the plate away from him and got up and stood in front of his full length mirror. He pulled his shirt up and looked at his ribs that were showing, now he hardly even had to suck in at all for them to poke out further than his stomach, he was almost at the weight he wanted to be, the weight he'd stop all of this at, and he couldn't throw that away over a stupid pancake, no matter how good it smelt, no matter how good it tasted. He wiped the tears he didn't even know were forming from his eyes, and right as he was about to take the pancake into his bathroom and flush it down the toilet, there was a knock on his door. Without even waiting for a response, Louis walked in. He immediately pulled the younger boy into a hug.

 

"Love, why are you crying?" He pulled away a bit, grabbing Harry's face and wiping the tears from his cheeks.

 

"I-" he glanced at his bed, where the pancake sat.

 

Louis looked over at the bed too. When Louis turned back to face him, Harry was very confused. He was expecting Louis' face to show disappointment or annoyance, instead he looked...happy? Louis pulled the other boy back into a hug. "No, no, no don't cry over that. It's great Haz. Here I'll take it back to the kitchen for you, okay? You don't need to eat anymore," he wiped Harry's tears again. "you took a bite and thats progress and its great. Please don't be upset."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this was going to be a short chapter but it turned out to be longer than the last one...
> 
>  
> 
> Also, I was going to put the family session in this chapter but I liked the idea of having a cute little moment with Louis comforting Harry at the end instead, so the therapy stuff will be in the next chapter.


	5. part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Tina because you have commented on I think EVERY chapter so far and you're the reason I decided to make this more than one chapter long in the first place so thanks.
> 
>  
> 
> ALSO I JUST WANT TO SAY - I've decided to make some of Harry's family stuff based off of Emma Chota (from the show Red Band Society) and her family, because thats kind of the only thing I've ever seen that delt with anorexia and showing how the family was involved with the recovery process and stuff, plus I think it would have been a great story line if the show would have continued. It won't be exactly her story, but similar to it.

"And neither of you noticed any changes with Harry's eating habits while he was living with you?" Tracy asked, looking over at the boys parents.

 

"No, no, we had no idea. I don't think it was this bad when he lived with-" 

 

Anne started speaking, cutting Robin off mid-sentence. "I noticed." This was news to Harry. The boy looked up from the ground for the first time in the whole five minutes they had been there. 

 

"What?" He gasped, if she had known, why hadn't she said anything? Done something.. He couldn't figure out if he even wished she had done something, part of him, the small, still somewhat rational-thinking part of him knew it would have been a good thing for her to have tried to help. The part of him completely taken over by his eating disorder was glad she hadn't, because that would have meant he would have had to start gaining weight a long time ago, back when he was still _fat._

 

"I- well, last year before our Christmas party I bought Harry some nice pants and a button up shirt, so he would have something to wear to the party. It was in his exact size. I was expecting the pants to possibly be a bit small because he had gotten taller, but other than that it should have fit. I told him to come show me when he got it on. When he cam downstairs I noticed he had put a blazer on over the shirt, which I found a little odd since he was just showing me, and it wasn't even time for the party yet, but I didn't question it. The outfit looked great on him, but when I went to hug him I put my hand on his back, and felt something hard attached to the shirt underneath. At first I had no idea what it was, and I didn't ask. Later that night I saw my sewing box was a little out of place, and I realized what it was. He had taken at least 10, maybe more, safety pins, and pinned up the back of the shirt to fit him. Throughout the next few weeks I watched him more carefully, I noticed at the Christmas party, he didn't eat any of his grandma's fudge, which was his favorite. I noticed he wouldn't eat in front of us as much, he would take things to his room and say he was going to eat it, but I'm not entirely sure he did. He would say he wasn't hungry a lot, and slowly I watched him getting thinner and thinner but I didn't know what to do." Anne had tears threatening to fall from her eyes as she finished speaking.

 

Tracy nodded, "Why didn't you tell anyone else? Tell Robin, or try to get professional help?" she asked.

 

"I didn't know what to say. I-" She sighed, and looked down at her feet. "I was embarrassed, felt like I had failed as a mother. If my son had a problem like this, then there had to have been some sort of cause, and I blamed myself."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS SUPER SUPER SHORT, I KNOW. But I just thought of the idea and I wanted to write it before I forgot. I've decided this is just going to be part one of this chapter, so I will post a part two that will have more of the family therapy session sometime probably after christmas.


End file.
